This is a review of the updated version. I understand the first version was a lot more focused on het couples. Although this isn't primarily a book about leather scene history in San Francisco, you get to learn a lot about it on the way. Maybe all this great queer stuff wasn't there in the first edition.

A couple of things make this book stand out in a world of sex and BDSM advice books and tech manuals. First, the writing. It's really good! A lot of books about sex, in an attempt to be not salacious, get really dry and medical. Calfia manages to write about sex in a way that's both colloquial and informative, and yes, sexy. The little bits of erotica at the end of each chapter that demonstrate what has been discussed are erotic (except for a couple that were really not my kink, even in fiction so YMMV) and represent a delightful sampling of sexual orientations. (Very much not just het monogamy).

Second, this book is very insightful about the psychological side of BDSM. Lots of manuals tell you in detail how to perform some technical thing. This one talks about the emotional.