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The Gottmans under-state the significance of this book by implication, with the type of title they gave it. But the take-away is that they found the single variable most correlated with long, happy relationships: how partners respond to bids for attention. Though the authors only discuss the context of amatonormative marriages, this finding, through the lens of the experienced Gottmans, is valuable insight for friendships and any kind of emotional intimacy partners wish to maintain.

"Trauma is so common for autistic people that it crowds the ability for psychologists to diagnose adults."

Having grown up in Alaska, I feel I have a different set of assumptions about infrastructure than most who grew up with higher population density. For a long time after I left the north, I still carried a knife, lighter, and flashlight. Convenient tools, if for no other reason than that others usually don't have them when they need them, but reflecting a lack of assumption on my part that wherever I find myself, I will necessarily have light and warmth, or need nothing more than my bare hands. Infrastructure is the difference, and its ubiquity in most lives is both freeing and limiting.

I apparently bought it and forgot it. Back to the top of my list to read next.

@kingrat Must be what the French call a French press?

This definitely belongs near the top of my list, especially considering I would be listening to the abridged 2012 audio version read by the author, Riane Eisler. Almost no excuse to leave it shelved.

Nord's chapter 4, Motivation Drive and Wanting, strikes directly at the crux of my personal life challenges. The difference between wanting and pleasure. I want, and I have sometimes extreme drive, but I do not feel good about it, and am almost always disappointed. The countless times I have finished doing something and found myself pretending to be happy about it for the sake of others…

I enjoying these, specifically the account of drama beetween neighborhood cats which I just finished. A nice book I don't have to pay much attention to, but am glad to, when I do. A reminder to take delight where I can, not just think hard about everything and stay busy.

This is interesting to me because of the drug-induced anhedonia I experienced as a side effect of the ritalin I was forced to take for five years in my childhood. My experience of pleasure of all kinds never recovered to healthy levels, as is easy to rediscover at any time by comparing my experience with anyone who claims to enjoy anything that I also try to enjoy. (It is often difficult to describe not feeling pleasure because people are looking for an objective reason in the world, but it is easy to see that I don't reach the level of pleasure others express, even if I am finding some level of pleasure.)

Now I know the injury is not specific to a brain region.

Pertinent for our time, considering the "culture war," politics, nuclear family dynamics and all the other divisive factors of modern life.

The book I've been looking for all my life (really)

I began this book over a year ago, but today is a good day to take it up again.